How long should sex really last?

Let’s address the million-dollar question. How long should the perfect sexual encounter last? And we’re not talking about foreplay or prior snuggles, but rather the actual intercourse.

We have the popular idea that sex should be like a winter coat; the longer, the better. People learn at a very young age that sex is supposed to last an eternity with thousands of different positions to make it interesting. Blame it on traditional porn, pop culture or the media: the Internet is flooded with “Tricks to last longer in bed” articles, and even Missy Elliott says “I don’t want no minute man” in one of her songs.

However, research says otherwise.

The perfect sex session is 5,4 minutes long, according to a study published on the “Journal of Sexual Medicine” aimed at laying down what amount of time could be considered acceptable, desirable, too short, and too long. The results are surprising as well as reassuring for many.

There’s another study conducted by Pennsylvania State University in which Eric Corty and Jenay Guardini found out that if ejaculation occurs within the first 2 minutes after penetration, it falls in the range of “too short”. If it’s between 3 and 7 minutes, it’s “acceptable”. It’s “desirable” when it’s extended to 7-13 minutes. On the other hand, if it lasts more than 13 minutes, it’s already considered “too long”.

So there you go, good sex should last between 3 and 7 minutes. Quantity is not a synonym of quality. In fact, when sex lasts too long it can turn into a monotonous task, affecting the level of excitement in the couple. Moreover, after about 10 or 15 minutes, women’s level of lubrication starts to decrease, which can lead to discomfort and even pain during intercourse.

The misconception that the best in bed last the longest is linked to another widespread fantasy, which is the belief that you have to climax at the same time as your partner. This causes many men to deliberately delay their orgasms to coincide in time with their partner’s – an excessive altruism that can have results that are not always desired, since the mechanics of orgasm require letting go and a lack of control.

Overall, sometimes men might feel so pressured to make the grade, that they can forget that there’s a whole new world outside of vaginal sex. We know that most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and we also know that, generally speaking, women need longer than men to climax. Therefore, the key is to focus on foreplay instead of focusing so much on penetration.

All in all, the most important thing is to not go with the idea that you must meet specific expectations or that you’re going to pass an exam. Sex is all about enjoying the ride.

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