How to discuss swinging with your partner

If proposing certain moderate fetishes to your partner is already scary enough, go figure telling them that you’d like to have sex with other people. Now that’s a whole other level of scary. But bottling up your emotions is not an option, you gotta let your secret desires out to run wild and free. So then, how to suggest sharing your intimacy with other people without upsetting your partner?

Actually, there’s no guaranteed approach. It all depends on how you present it, your relationship dynamic, and your partner’s open-mindedness. But before having the talk, you should assess if your type of relationship is fit for the swinger lifestyle, and why you want to get into it.

What’s your why?

Before asking your partner about entering the swinger lifestyle, you must ask yourself why you want to enter it in first place. Is it because you’re unsatisfied with the sex in your current relationship? Because if that’s your honest answer, best thing to do might be seeking couples counseling, rather than inviting more people into your bed.

A good “why” would be being satisfied with your sex life but wanting variety and novelty to spice up an already good relationship.

5 rules when having the swinging talk

Since there’s no rule of thumb on how to initiate the talk, we’ll just leave some general tips here to help you elaborate your speech.

1. Avoid at all costs starting with self-entered declarations such as “I want to try out swinging”. You have to make it about you two, including your partner. Frame the conversation around exploring swinging together, as a couple, and use words of reinforcement to refer to your sex life. Try something along the lines of “Our sex life is amazing, but I’ve read an article about swinging and I thought that it would be interesting to explore that together as a couple”. Make sure that your partner understands that you’re considering swinging as a hot addition to a fulfilling sex life you already enjoy, rather than as a replacement.

2. Listen to your partner more than you talk. Let them express fears and concerns, and question the idea of swinging. A big no-no is trying to talk your partner into doing it or coercing them in some way. Acknowledge them and their feelings, and make sure that they feel heard.

3. Give it time. This is not a light suggestion to digest, so your partner will probably need days to ponder before they come back with an answer. They will probably also have tons of questions, so you have to be ready to answer them all and clear any doubt. Having podcasts or other resources about swinging to share with them would be a great ace up your sleeve.

4. Give your partner warmup options. It can also be useful for you to see if swinging is something you really want to get into. Suggest a sexual fantasy that involves other people, for example, and see how your partner reacts to it. A threesome would be good for starters. Or else, propose visiting a sex club or swinger party as mere observers – it’s the best way to get the gist of swinging.

5. Be kind, not pushy. Regardless of the answer you get from your partner, you must always be supportive. Take into account that without a proper understanding of what swinging is about, the idea of it can be taken poorly. That’s why it’s key that you educate them on what swinging really entails. Whatever your partner decides, always keep their needs and desires at the forefront.

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