Why Do People Cheat in a Relationship? 9 Reasons for Cheating

Just like with anything interpersonal related, cheating is very complex, and unraveling its intrinsic nature is a hard task. It happens more often than it should and it’s the ultimate relationship killer in most cases.

Why do people cheat in relationships?

That’s the question here; why do people cheat? Every person who’s ever been cheated on is probably wondering the same thing, so we brought science to the table to try to find the answer to why people cheat in relationships. Well, not us; The Journal of Sex Research did. They published a study in 2017 in which 495 people who cheat or had cheated in a romantic relationship, answered questions about their reasons for cheating.

The analysis revealed that cheating is rarely a simple affair, and that there are many reasons why people cheat. Nine, to be more precise.

1. Falling out of love

This might be the most obvious factor as to why people cheat. The exhilarating feeling of falling in love is great, but unfortunately, it doesn’t last forever. While stable lasting love exists, in some other cases once the butterfly phase is over, people might realize that the love they once knew is no longer there.

If the relationship still provides a sense of family or stability, it can be hard to leave. Thus, staying in a relationship without romantic love may lead to infidelity, motivated by the desire to experience love again.

2. Commitment issues

Having low levels of commitment to your romantic partner can lead to cheating on people. Let’s say that a person really likes someone but still fears making a commitment to them. In this case, they might end up being unfaithful as a way of avoiding commitment, despite wanting to stay in the relationship.

Lack of interest in committing long-term or wanting a way out of a relationship are other cheating reasons.

3. Anger or revenge

Even though it was not the most cited reason, anger played a part in the affairs of 43% of the participants. In these cases, what causes infidelity is revenge, as cheating is seen as a way to punish their partner. In other words, a classic “they hurt me, so now I’ll hurt them”.

Anger-motivated infidelity has different underlying causes such as anger at a partner who is not around, anger or frustration following an argument, or frustration when your partner doesn’t understand you or your needs.

4. Situational forces

Many infidelities are not premeditated and simply happen because of having the opportunity to cheat at reach. About 70% of participants, most of which were men, asserted that situational factors were the key reason for affairs.

Picture this scenario: you’re hitting a rough patch in your current relationship, and you also struggle with low self-esteem. One day, a coworker invites you to hang out together sometime. If only one or two factors are involved, you might not cheat. But the combination of motivating factors (being on the rocks with your partner, your low self-esteem, and the attention of your coworker), can make cheating more likely to happen.

5. For variety

Boredom and attraction are two big parts of why people have affairs. Cheating can be a response to boredom, or a response to someone being attracted to many types of people, which doesn’t necessarily stop just because of being in a relationship.

6. Sexual desire

Not having sex with the desired frequency or the lack of wanted sexual behaviors is another key factor for cheating in a relationship. In fact, people who want to have sex might look for chances to cheat without any other motivators.

Even people in sexually fulfilling relationships might still want to have more sex with other people, making it an infidelity cause. This could be a result of a high level of sexual desire and have nothing to do with sexual issues in the relationship.

7. To boost self-esteem

It may seem counterintuitive, since infidelity usually ends with significant personal consequences, but for some cheating people, the act of having sex with a new person can lead to positive feelings and boost their ego and self-esteem. That is not to say that people cheating because of self-esteem issues don’t have loving partners. However, they might think that their partner supports and encourages them just because they’re supposed to.

8. Unmet needs

Some people engage in affairs as a response to their partner’s lack of attention. About 70% of participants, most of them women, recognized this as one of their motives for cheating in relationships.

Unmet needs can be emotional, often referring to a situation where there’s a mismatch between the emotional energy invested of each partner, or sexual, like in the case of partners having different sex drives.

9. An excessive need for self-gratification

This is another reason for cheating with some psychological explanation behind. Humans have a natural and genuine desire for self-gratification: good food, good sleep, good sex… all of that. We also have a natural desire for intimacy. What we all humans have in common is the desire to feel loved. What happens is that these two human needs are often contradictory.

You occasionally have to give up your own self-gratification in order to experience that intimacy and love. And you frequently have to give up some affection and connection in order to satisfy your own desires. This might be as simple as going to a dull office party or viewing a movie you don't particularly care for. But it may also be profound and complicated, such as being honest with your spouse about your concerns and insecurities or consciously choosing to be monogamous with them for all eternity.

A person will quit making sacrifices for the relationship and is prone to resort to infidelity if they value self-gratification more than the intimacy they obtain from a partnership, in which case they will be more likely to end up cheating in relationship matters. A person will readily give up some of their self-gratification to stay faithful if they value the connection they have in a relationship more than self-gratification.

In short, if someone is shallow and selfish, they will need to be gratified constantly, thus committing infidelity. So, why do people cheat on their partners? Because their need for self-gratification is bigger than their need for intimacy.

The bottom line

If this study has taught us anything, it's that cheating frequently has nothing to do with the other person.

Many people who cheat on their relationships do so out of love and with no intention of hurting them. To hide their adultery from their partner, some people may go to extreme measures, which is one of the reasons why. However, it can seriously harm a relationship.

A relationship can still survive infidelity, but moving on requires effort.

If you've been cheated on, you could still be in shock about what happened. You might want to take any necessary steps to mend the relationship. Or perhaps you don't want to continue the relationship.

If you’ve cheated, it's crucial to carefully evaluate your intentions and have an open dialogue with your partner. Even if you want to stay together, you must respect your partner's decision whether or not they want to mend the relationship.

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