Why Do Girls Moan During Sex: Reasons of Moaning in Bed

Chances are that you grew up watching all depictions of female orgasm on screen as a mishmash of moans, screams, groans, and all things vocal. It’s also possible that those portrayals of how women are “supposed” to sound during sex, made you feel a bit self-conscious about your sex moans or lack thereof.

That’s why I’m here to tell you that the sounds people make while having sex are as different and varied as the people themselves. In fact, some don’t even make a sound – and that’s totally OK. Whether you’re on the quiet or loud side of sex, know that you’re on the right one. So the real question here is not “why do people moan during sex?”, but rather why some do and some don’t.

Why some people make [a lot] of noise during sex

Experts were also wondering this, so in 2011, Gayle Brewer and Colin Hendrie from the Universities of Central Lancashire and Leeds respectively, conducted a study on the topic of why people scream during sex. They interviewed 71 sexually active women aged 18 to 48 about their copulatory vocalization.

Surprisingly, most women admitted to moaning during sex but not necessarily when they were orgasming. Instead, 87% stated that they moaned to boost their partner’s self-esteem, while 66% admitted to moaning in an effort to speed up their partner’s climax.

Fake moaning while sex is not the best idea though, as you’re indicating to your partner that he’s doing something that feels good, when in reality he’s not. So you’re basically raining on your own parade. However, a different case would be when you’ve already climaxed and are making noises as a way to help your partner get there too. In any case, it’s important to have great communication, so that your partner knows what you like and what you don’t like, regardless of your moans.

Going back to the study’s findings, I know what you’re thinking; “what a bummer! So female vocalization during sex is merely a performance for guys’ benefit.” Well, not always. According to Jill McDevitt Ph.D., resident sexologist at CalExotics, making sounds is a natural way of relieving built-up frustration. Just imagine an instance when you get to finally go to the bathroom after a long stretch on a road trip – there’s a relief sigh in the picture, right? So same can happen during sex.

On the flip side, there are also women who actually need to be vocal in order to achieve orgasm. Moaning can boost their arousal and help them reach climax. Why do people moan when having sex then? Answer could be any of these different reasons.

Why some people don’t make a sound during sex

Make no mistake: louder sex doesn’t necessarily mean better sex. Likewise, the fact that some people don’t moan at all, doesn’t mean that they’re having bad sex. They can still be enjoying the best sex of their life, but instead of communicating it through moans and groans, they may use non-auditory cues such as eye contact, or pulling their partner closer, etc. And that’s exactly the reason why they might not moan, because they already have other communication forms.

Another possibility, is that people don’t moan because they stop themselves from doing so. This may be due to shyness, or due to a lifelong habit of keeping sex-related activities quiet (e.g. years of masturbating in silence in a full house when you were younger).

How to become more comfortable moaning in bed

Just making the decision to moan during sex is all it takes to start. If moaning while having sex is not exactly your thing, just consciously make a sound when something feels wonderful.

Another tip to scream during intercourse without making it too awkward, is to have a quick round of primitive play. Get down on all fours and act like an animal (of your choice). Lions in the savannah tumble over each other while moaning and grunting, so the idea is that you mimic it and thus start moaning in sex. Although it may seem silly, doing it awakens your basic instincts, raises your heart rate, and serves as an enjoyable foreplay.

Despite putting the foreplay in motion, the screaming during sex part is not required. You can create different noises that are not exactly moans. Simply share your feelings with your lover about what feels nice and what doesn’t.

And about the volume, you can moan as quietly or as loudly as you like. Avoid having sex with someone if they are disrespectful to you about how loud you are. There are many individuals out there who will value it. I repeat, there is no right or incorrect way to sound. Also, lean in to your breath with sound if you want to increase the loudness of your moans without sounding like you're trying out for the neighborhood play. To put it simply, let a little bit more sound to accompany each breath until it feels natural to generate more and more noise with heightened sensation. In case that's not your thing though, you don't have to moan so loud that your neighbors need noise-cancelling headphones.

However, if you don’t like making noise during sex or still don’t find a way to do it while feeling comfortable, then just don’t. But things get a little trickier if your partner is one of those people moaning during sex and you don't like it or find it repulsive. If this is your case, you could consider turning up the music or maybe thinking about engaging in some sensory play where you wear headphones or your partner employs a gag. If your partner is willing to attempt it, covering one's lips during sex can be incredibly seductive. This could be one of those sexy solutions that everyone will enjoy.

How to use moans to make sex better

Though moaning it’s not needed for (or an indicator of) good sex, it can be used to enhance sex in a variety of ways. It might provide as a clue as to what your partner likes or dislikes, which would quickly improve your ability to love them.

Try to learn the ability to tell when your spouse is fake moaning and when they are creating genuine sounds of enjoyment. This will not only help you please them, but it will also make your partner more comfortable opening up and letting down their guard.

One of those instinctual reactions, moaning occurs when you let go of control and just fully enjoy the situation. That will improve the experience of having sex for you, which will probably make your partner more excited.

Moreover, moaning is incredibly seductive because it demonstrates that it's a pleasant experience. People want to believe that their bedtime performance is satisfactory. Hearing confirmation is quite erotic.

Bottom line

Ultimately, the best thing you can do is letting your authentic sounds (or silence) out. Your natural sounds or lack of them, are a key part of your sexual response. By faking or censoring them, you’re indirectly affecting your pleasure and orgasm. So find your authentic tune and let it play!

You can always check the latest news on our Twitter and Reddit.